Friend or Foe?

When your child is younger, you are told "Don't be their friend". That it is okay to be friendly with your child but you are not their friend. You are their parent and you need to enforce rules and boundaries. 

But then one day something changes. They are now officially an adult (well in the eyes of the law). So the question is, are they a friend or foe? 

I am realizing more and more that this stage of parenting is the hardest. Your child has become their own person, with their own ideas and beliefs. They may have moved out or gone off to school. They still have so much to learn but what they do is really out of your control now. The only way you may have the upper hand is if they are still living under your roof or if you are helping them with continuing education. I mean, nothing is more fun than saying "As long as you live under my roof..." or fanning the dollar bills as a reminder of who is paying for their schooling. 

So are you friends with them now? Or still the enemy? The one who makes them follow rules and tells them what to do? It is so hard to know, and is it even possible? I mean you've had 18 years of being their parent, will you ever be able to flip the switch and not try to parent them? 

My kiddo was home for almost a month over the holidays. For the most part we got a long pretty well. I didn't feel like she was the sullen teenager that rolled her eyes at everything I said. There were a few times when her attitude made an appearance, and it was still like pulling teeth to get her to do a simple chore, but for the most part she was funny, smiling and having intellectual conversations with us. We've had talks about her future and she isn't snapping at us that we don't understand. It actually seems like maybe she is listening to us, and at least filing what we have said to her away for future reference. 

We dropped her off at the airport today. Why am I so sad? I mean, for the next month I don't have to have her critique my outfits, or have her get annoyed when I have to scratch an itch (seriously, she was like "Mom, don't scratch!). 

So again I ask...friend or foe? Friend...or....foe.... 😀